Schitthaus.com

No, you may NOT have a Mercedes for your 16th birthday. Bitch.

Can we get to work on a line drawing version of this for a shirt? Art department, make it so!Just a couple of things that were on my mind before I went to bed.

#1, and this one is important, I am an idiot. No seriously, look it up. I put TV on the Radio’s “Wolf Like Me” on the iMix as “Playhouses.” Apparently I’ve had this wrong from the beginning. But a lot of people did because I still see it misnamed on my music downloading program of choice. This is what one gets when they are a music pirate. Yarrr… Don’t judge me. Can’t figure out how to fix the mix on iTunes, so remember I said that, okay? Because “Playhouses” is not nearly as cool as “Wolf Like Me,” for realz. And you should definitely get that iMix. I don’t get paid for it or anything, I’m just lazy and don’t feel like making all of you cd’s anymore. The shipping would be a bitch.

#2. That show My Super Sweet 16, a favorite on Buena Vista Ave. in Baltimore, makes me want to go on a ho-slapping bender. I had it on the television just long enough to see this dumb cracker girl fly to Atlanta to get Young Joc (sp?) to play her party. Yeah, he’d do it, for $85k. “We can do that,” she says. Shit like that makes my butthole pucker.

#3. I made it to Bacon Nirvana tonight. Let’s make a long story short. I found this weird (and great) gourmet mag I’ve never heard of before, and haven’t seen since a couple of months ago, as if it were a fantasy at the end of the rainbow with Shay Laren riding unicorns naked. Sorry, got lost for a sec. In it, they did a story on some dude that made bacon in the hills of Tennessee. So I got on the site and the first thing I see is “Due to them booji motherfuckers that made that there article on us, ya’lls gon’ have to wait up to 5 weeks for my bacon of the gods. So all you snotty douchebags in your import cars can suck it.” (paraphrase) And I ordered, and waited, and today the bacon stork dropped it off on my doorstep. Holy mother of God, that is the shit right there. I cooked it up in a pan, I grilled it, I rolled around in the bacon grease, I got a bacon boner. If you like bacon, get on this shit. It’s kinda expensive when you factor in shipping, but Mr. Benton may have turned me off shwag bacon for the rest of my life. Damn you, you magnificent bastard. If there’s any left the next time you come to my house I will cook you some at any time of the day or night, and we can have a bacon orgy together (with or without the bacon).

Reckon that’s about it. Check back in the next couple of days for a fun feature on an awful(ly great) movie that you can Netflix just as soon as I send it back.

At last, it is here, sequenced and ready to rock. Just for you. The first Schitthaus.com iMix. To get this iMix in this manner you must have iTunes. If not, you can download it like I do because I’m cheap. Also, iTunes did not have a song on there, so you’ll want to consult the following list:

1. The Like - Too Late - Chick band, but there’s something I like about this song.
2. Devo - Mongoloid - This goes out to my retarded brother Bilo. Because one day, he will get.
3. Mike Watt feat. Evan Dando - Piss Bottle Man - That’s what P**s means on iTunes. Don’t tell your parents. And a little Evan Dando for the ladies. You’re welcome, Kali and Courtney.
4. Television Personalities - Geoffrey Ingram - Quirky, English, and good.
5. Modest Mouse - Polar Opposites - My favorite Modest Mouse song, I’m pretty sure.
6. Dinosaur Jr. - Start Choppin’ - Not my favorite Dinosaur Jr. song, but up there.
7. The Rifles - Local Boy - This is the one they don’t have on iTunes, so you’re going to have to get it through alternative means.
8. Black Keys - Modern Times - And you thought you were going to get away with no Black Keys songs? P’shaw.
9. Dirtbombs - Underdog - Actually a Sly and the Family Stone cover. I just learned that today.
10. Deadly Snakes - Closed Casket - Nothing clever to say here. Kinda Dylanesque lyrics. How does that sound?
11. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Heavy Metal - A lot has been said about these guys, but this song rocks.
12. Apples In Stereo - 7 Stars - What if I were to tell you that this is off of their brand new album? Is that something you might be interested in?
13. TV On The Radio - Playhouses - Who knew these guys could be so fun? Besides their masseuse?
14. Maximo Park - I Want You to Stay - I’m a bit of a pedo anglophile, and these guys are right up my alley.
15. Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika) - I hate this song. No, I don’t.
16. The Evens - Cut from the Cloth - It’s long, but I really like it. And I had to go with something off of the new album. D.C. represent.
17. Reigning Sound - Funny Thing - This has made a mix a long time ago, but only 20% of you have heard it (assuming our readership is up to 10), so I thought I’d throw it on.
18. Wilco - At Least That’s What You Said

I thought of doing iMixes as a way to kind of share music without making everyone cd’s. You can hear what I’m listening to (and I you, so get on it) and download it directly from iTunes, if you’re a baller.

In other news, if you watch American Idol (and I don’t, I swear), they had one of those totally gay commercials where the whole cast is singing. They did “Float On” by Modest Mouse. Seriously… I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Oh, and I said I was going to talk about the NCAA Tournament. This is my favorite sports time of the year, made even better by the fact that the Terps are in it and should be competitive. I’m thinking Florida, Kansas, Georgetown and Texas A&M in the Final Four. That’s all I got.