Schitthaus.com

Speaking of Pitchfork, this was something I wanted to add to my last post. Apparently Isaac Brock, of Modest Mouse is a cutter. And pretty fucked up. At a recent show in Sioux City, Iowa dude apparently grabbed a small knife and cut at his chest. Well alrighty then… The link will go to the story, as well as a couple of links to some videos, one supposedly before, and another after where you can see the bloody spots on his shirt.

Suffice to say, that’s the behavior of a nutter. Look, we’ve all been bombed a couple of times. Maybe jumped in some bushes. Maybe even made your own specific pants for bush jumping. Maybe rode around in shopping carts naked. But cutting one’s self? That is Bilo.

If you pay attention to the Pitchfork story they mention the “Float On” thing from American Idol. I told you guys that was fucked up! I’m surprised he didn’t eat a glass tumbler on stage.

Just thought that was something you’d like to know. Whoa! Check out this fucking guy! He’s named after the Maryland compulsory auto insurance fund! I bet he’d play the pig roast for free.

Going out fishing for the first time tomorrow. Ah, Spring… Feck off now.

Got off work early thanks to the weather. Fuck a weather. Decided not to waste the extra hour and a half the man gave me and take in a matinee of 300, if only to keep myself a virgin to the taste of Joe’s mincing, salty balls. I know I said I was holding out for the IMAX release, well wouldn’t you know the douchers in our area aren’t showing it due to it’s R-uh rating. Ain’t that about a bitch? Hey, Smithsonian, it’s a HISTORY movie (sorta). This is the story of a very important battle (with boobies and much, much dismemeberment interspersed)! Closest IMAX theaters showing it? Shittsburgh, Philthadelphia, and New York. So, if you live near a good urban area (or Pittsburgh), do yourself a favor and go see that shit. This movie is a bad mother—shut your mouth! I can only imagine that the IMAX version would rock your ass right off.

I’m not going to chat it up too much, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Even though there was a full dip cup a couple of seats down from me. Hagerstown is totally great… And I had a pee pee the likes of which I haven’t seen since The Departed rip me from a scene with copious gratuitous boobie shots.

I do have to say though, that Xerxes guy creeped me the fuck out. He is what I imagine will be pounding you in the ass on the daily if you go to Hell. I mean, look at this shit, is this motherfucker not straight out of a Tool video or what?

So thank you, weather, for leaving me housebound for another weekend, but you didn’t keep me from watching a bad ass motherfucking film.

Is anyone else’s brackets busted like a 12 year old Thai hooker? Me neither, I’m still hanging tight. And Duke lost! Much rejoicing on my part. In honor of which, I have this video of Josh McRoberts, Duke “stud” forward who is a punk ass bitch. He plays like a stiff, flops like a Frenchman in the World Cup, and cries like Dick Vermeil. Show some love, bitches. Apparently someone else is feeling it, too.

Off to shovel the snow. Thanks again, douchebag storm front.

Okay. I hadn’t heard about Anthony Kiedis for a while, and I preferred to keep it that way. I used to be a fairly big fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers back when I was 14 or something. In fact, my first exposure to the Peppers was on that sweet skateboarding movie Thrashin’ (something weird happens when you click the link, but it’s okay. Just click ok. Trust me, it’s worth it.) when I was 8, I think. They were playing “Black Eyed Blonde” at a gnarly skateboarding bar and, whoa… I just realized writing about Thrashin’ would be a pretty ridiculous post itself. Forget we ever spoke of this, for now…

Where was I? I was listening to the radio on the way to work and they said that dumbass Anthony Kiedis says he’s addicted to internet porn. Big fucking deal! Who isn’t addicted to internet porn? There are probably countless sock/me hybrids roaming the street that I know nothing about, and I refuse to support or acknowledge their existence.

But seriously… He kicked the smack, but, according to the report, found himself feeling the same way he felt when he looked at porn on the internet as he did when he scored some horse. It’s called an orgasm, dipshit. When you’re touching your thing like that it tends to happen.

Now I’m sure, for some people, watching porn on the internet can be a problem. I mean, if you’re missing work, or your kids soccer games, or putting out a fire in your kitchen because you’re wrestling the bald headed champ to some streaming gang bang action then yeah, you have a problem. But that motherfucker is a professional musician. What more does he have to do? Let’s run down the list, shall we?

1 PM: Wake up

1:15: Do yoga, because, you know, I’m a fucking rock star

2 PM: Eat seaweed pancakes covered in Sumatran sunflower oil that was pressed by the indigenous Sumatrans and swum to California by hearty orangutans

2:30: Call the bank to make sure shitty album royalty check was deposited

3:00 to bedtime: Wack it.

See how that goes? That’s it. Maybe Flea comes over and they play NBA Jam on Sega Genesis… Nope, can’t do that. Pawned that shit for smack. Maybe Flea can come over and they can make shadow puppets. Yeah, I’d rather wack it, too.

Hey man, you’re rich, you’re off the drugs, enjoy yourself! Find a nice woman (or man, I’ve never been too sure about you, Kiedis), and make the beast with two backs all day long. Take up golfing or shoot some pick-up hoops with the neighborhood kids. But if you want to hole up in the house and wack it raw, fuck it! You can even pay for those cool pay sites that I’m too cheap to pay for. Live the dream for those of us that can’t.

Oh yeah, and write some new songs, not just the same one over and over, or the other one that you stole from Tom Petty. Thanks.

Thanks to CelebWorm.com for the story. It isn’t the source where I got it, but it was an easy place to link.

In other news…

You can now get your truthiness in a delicious frozen form. You’ve been put on notice.

Did you know that Pat Carney, drummer for pretty much my favorite band, the Black Keys, has his own record label? Read this. Now you know, as well as other good stuff, such as a collab between Danger Mouse, Ike Turner, and the Black Keys. No, seriously! I don’t do drugs anymore! It’s happening! Check out the interview at Pitchfork.

I’ll be back to talk about the NCAA Tournament. And my retarded brother Bilo.

I’m going to try and be better about this posting thing. I figure, instead of racking my brain to write something long, I can instead do a couple of quick hit things and still show that I care about writing for this website. The Daily Dump will be that attempt.

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